I Am Enough! Not Today Blog 20

I am enough and so are you. It was late, I was in the bed of the cold guest room in my grandmother’s basement, trying to fall asleep. The breathing exercise, which normally gives me bliss, made me hear screams.

Going Undercover

Instead of hopelessly trying to fix a toxic dynamic, remember that removing yourself is an option.

I was in Germany for the first time in a year and met all my friends again. We asked each other questions like “What are you doing now?”, “What’s your plan?” and “How is life in Indonesia?

In my head these questions soon turned into “He seems to be successful, why don’t I earn as much money as he does?”, “They seem to be happy together, why don’t I have this?”, “Sick outfit, why don’t I look like that?

Sometimes it’s the day you get your first and only panic attack – in your grandmother’s basement.

Am I Enough?

It took me well into my 20s before I realised that I have had self-limiting behaviours. In fact, I have had them for as long as I can remember. I guess I was one of those kids who took “What grade did Simon and the others get in that test”, or “Did you see what a good game Philipp played” a little too seriously.

Today I see that comparing myself with others has kept me from many things.

My friend once made me disable my Instagram for as long as possible. She and I had no idea what difference this could make.

Comparison really is the thief of joy.

Mute What Doesn’t Suit You

I discovered about myself that when I scrolled through Instagram I subconsciously started thinking that other people’s travels looked more exciting than mine, that others seemed closer to their friends than I was, that some girls just were out of my league.

I consider myself self-confident, but only up to a certain point. Self-limitation is that point. For me, it is not rich entrepreneurs or hot Insta models, but it is the people I know personally with whom I compare myself most.

One sentence on my affirmations list says that I am enough. I need that reminder.

My Instagram is active again (I am not living under a rock), but what helped me to keep my negative subconscious beliefs under control was to mute. I became good at observing myself and watching how things make me feel. That is in real life or on social media. I muted many of my friend’s Instagram posts and stories. Game changer for my mental health. (I also mute WhatsApp stories – but only because who the fuck posts WhatsApp stories?! Haha)

One’s beauty does not take away from your own.

You Are Awesome

I don’t think that there will be a day where it clicks, and I suddenly understand that I am good enough as a person and in whatever I do. It is a journey, and I don’t mind walking it. It will always be something between healthy competition and self-limitation. That is ok.

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once I a while, or the light won’t come in.

Isaac Asimov

Why Not Today

We have spent a lot of time on social media this year. I am mean what else is there to do? Haha! Lockdowns are keeping us inside (or should do so).

Why not today give it a go? Archive your posts, leave a note in your bio “whats app only” and delete the Instagram application off your phone. Give yourself a vacation from social media.

Order a book or download an audiobook. Something funny. Maybe try “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe” by Douglas Adams.

See if it makes a difference.

D