25 Thoughts On A Plane – What you think nobody else thinks! Not Today Blog 3
I have been living in Indonesia for the past three years! Living in a country that consists of 17,500+ islands requires taking flights. Sitting in an airplane gives you time to think. It gives you time to elaborate on interesting questions.
When I’m on a plane, I often find myself asking stupid questions. I never say these questions out loud and forget them right away. So, it happens that one day I am sitting in an airplane asking myself the same dumb questions.
1. Oxygen mask dilemma
In case of emergency, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. Please pull the mask down toward your face and place the mask over your mouth and nose.
The flight attendant demonstrates the pulling motion and my brain goes: “Fuck! Why are you pulling so forcefully? You will rip the hose off the re-breather bag!”
2. Does the vest inflate?
To inflate the vest, pull firmly on the red cord, only when leaving the aircraft.
I look up and think: “How does it not inflate when she pulls the cord? She’s been pulling the cord pretty firm. Would I need to pull it even harder if I needed mine to inflate?”
3. The tray table
Let me just straighten this clasp holding the tray table back. Why would you leave it at an angle anyway?
4. Do I really switch off my electronic devices?
Please turn off all personal electronic devices, including laptops and cell phones.
People keep being on their phones left right and centre. “But would I really get sued, if my phone was the reason for interference in their communication system? Even if it is in flight mode? Fuck that, let me better switch it off…”
5. Will they be angry if I decline my seat?
“Can I decline my seat? The person behind me won’t be happy? Maybe just a little bit. That should be ok right?”
6. Airplane seats are fucking uncomfortable
“Why is the seat shaped like this? Instead of a naturally arched back, I am forced into Quasimodo posture.”
7. Did they just touch my feet?
Putting my feet up the frame beneath my seat: “Did I just touch the feet of the person behind me? Wtf, how long are their legs?”
8. Does nobody smoke on an airplane?
“How do chain smokers survive an 8-hour flight? Couldn’t they just vape and release the smoke slowly? Surely, somebody is smoking in the toilet right now.”
9. Do things get stolen on flights?
“Will somebody take things out of my bag, if I put it in the overhead compartment?”
10. Whose armrest is it?
“What are the rules here? Can I just put up both my arms? Where will my seat neighbour put their arms?”
11. Is it that hard to find your seat?
“How the fuck did they get their seat numbers wrong? Does that only happen in this country?”
To be fair. I got the wrong seat on my last flight to Bali. Sometimes I am too stupid to realize that I was sitting in row 30 instead of 29. I am not in a position to complain haha.
Still, I had this one flight right when the Lebaran holidays in 2018 started. I tried finding my seat but it was occupied. A few people were wandering around the aisles looking confused. People from different directions then started explaining that “today was free seat choice”. I am not joking. What the fuck? Hahahah. Well, I wasn’t going to be the only one to complain. So, I took a free seat and hoped that nobody would ask me to fuck off from their pre-booked seats. Indonesia.
12. The inflight magazine
Me flipping through the inflight magazine: “Wow, I have to visit Manado, looks sooo impressive!”
5 minutes later. Can barely remember holding the inflight magazine in my hands.
13. Emergency door instructions in other languages
Me sitting in an emergency door seat. Flight attendant reads the emergency door instructions in their countries language.
“Do I need to tell her that I understand fuck all? Will I lose my seat?”
14. Could you sit on the wing of the airplane?
Me sitting in a window seat wondering: “What would happen if someone sat on the wing.”
15. Don’t drop your food in an airplane
Receiving my meal. “Fuck the table is slippery. Move slowly. Don’t kick anything off the tray. Concentrate!”
16. When do I get up from my seat?
“Can I stay seated until the majority has left the aircraft? Is the person at the window in a hurry? Should I just stand up?”
17. What’s for food?
“Do they have vegetarian meals?”
“That’s what 30 rows until I get my food?”
“How does this food come boiling hot? It took them ages to get to my row.”
18. I’m thirsty.
“I need water. I’m thirsty. I have been thirsty this entire flight.”
19. How does the toilet flush work?
“How do the toilets work? Is it being dumped into the atmosphere? Will it hit the ground?”
20. How to take a photo in the cockpit
“Could I get a photo of me sitting in the cockpit of the airplane? I need that photo man.”
21. How long do flight attendants stay?
“Will the cute flight attendant stay in the city? How long is she going to stay? Can I ask her on a date?”
22. Equalizing
“Am I the only one who needs to equalize their ears non-stop once the aircraft starts descending?
23. Currency
Can I pay in my currency?
24. Is it me?
“I’ve showered 5 hours ago, surely it can’t be me. Or is it me?”
25. Neck pillows
How do neck pillows works and how are they comfortable?
Why not today?
Why not today think about your next travel destination? You deserve this. Check out my travel blogs to maybe find inspiration for your next trip!
-D
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